Rascal Skeets

I'm on a plane sitting directly behind a senior citizen whose head is closely shaven. He has a divot in his cranium that makes it appear as if he's been doing jumping jacks in a room with a low ceiling for the last few years. Seize the day y'all! Age is rapidly approaching. The end of the special airplane edition of Wheel of Fortune is also rapidly approaching as I type. The last puzzle was model airplane kit.

I'm returning from the first vacation I've taken in about seven years. Don't cry for me Argentinia, I don't operate a jackhammer from sunrise to Sunset Blvd., but it sure feels good to get away once every other Presidential term or so. I am officially not a vegetarian, and the snapper population has me and my three vacationaires on the most wanted list.

The good news? I have no plans to give up my musical career (or my basketball jones) to become a professional water skier. I will say this to beginning water skiers: learn from my mistake, LET GO WHEN YOU FALL! I essentially punched myself at forty miles an hour. I have a new respect for stuntmen. I wonder if Ed Norton would consider being my stuntman the next time I try and water ski. I wonder if he appreciates my calling him Ed? He never calls anymore. I've dropped the 'ward.

Will it ever be possible for me to see Skeet Ulrich and not reflect upon Satan and Saddam Hussein having a framed picture of him over their bed in the South Park Movie? I think not.

I watched a good parcel of The Grammys yesterday. I lost! I demand a recount! I played saxophone on Michael Bublé's Grammy Nominated Caught in the Act DVD (which I have yet to see, other than living it). You can just call me "Grammy Loser" from this day forth.

Highlights:

-Gnarls Barkley!

-Ornette Coleman reading his own name on the teleprompter when he was announcing the nominees for a category.

-Tony Bennett thanks Target.

Lowlights:

-Smokey Robinson has the crazy eyes (but sure sounds good!).

-Worlds longest Eagles tribute, with's world's most mediocre-est performance of the guitar leads in Hotel California. I'm a decent fan of Rascal Flats (for instance, I'm reasonably sure I spelled their name correctly), but that performance was sadly tepid to my tastes.

In other news, I have been gently bitten by the Texas Hold 'em Bug. I've played probably six or seven games of poker before this week, and doubled my total of games on my vacation. Sadly, I did not double my net worth. I did however win twice. I am, as the kids say, "all in". If you see me in a drunken pile of my own filth in an alley in Vegas in a few years, know that it all started here.

Now it's back to The Grind (no, not the MTV dance show with Eric Nies) of making strings, reeds, and vocal cords vibrate in a pleasing manner.

I am playing a solo show at Verity in Canoga Park on February 16th. Details are on the ol' myspace as well as ZackHexum.com.

Holy crap, the afore mentioned elderly fellow with the unique head in front of me, just reclined his chair so far back I can smell his thoughts. I feel like I'm typing inside my own ribcage. This sounds like a good time to call it a day.