Last night I attended an advanced screening of "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford". It's a movie starring Brad Pitt that's slated to come out sometime in the next not too distant future. If you keep your ear to the train tracks you can find free tickets to advanced screenings of movies at different spots in Los Angeles.
Rumour had spread through the theater that they were giving out free popcorn and high fructose corn syrup. Who am I to turn down such an offer? I leapt from my seat and scurried to the front of the concession line. I was told by the braces-wearing girl working the concession stand that the free goodies were only for people who had the "reserved" invitation. I thought that everyone had a reserved invitation and was able to momentarily convince her and her boss that I was worthy of free food. Not to be greedy I ordered only some sody pop, M&Ms, and a large popcorn. Alas, the boss came back after consulting an even higher power (possibly George Bush) and confiscated my free popcorn. Fortunately the M&Ms were already not melting in my jacket pocket and I licked the empty soda cups as to avoid them being snatched from my thirsty hands.
Cut to: movie theater.
I told my tale of semi-woe to the other patrons who were in the very back row who weren't as lucky to bamboozle the free grub as I. After a fortnight the lights dimmed and the movie started sans preview. The four people to my right were confronted by what may or may not have been a secret service agent and politely re-seated. Lo and behold who should take their places and wind up a mere four seats to my left, but Brad Pitt (sorry, no Angelina). It's very strange to be watching a Brad Pitt movie while you're sitting near Brad Pitt. I could feel his handsomeness emanating large. In fact, I think I, by mere osmosis, am more manly and handsome today than I was yesterday.
Anywah, he snuck out about ten minutes before the movie finished and I fought back my urge to yell "hey everybody! It's Brad Pitt!" as he exited the theater.
Thus endeth this story, and sadly I was not able to live out The Simpsons Episode "Beyond Blunderdom" and be hired as a script consultant and turn this epic (and occasionally painfully slow) movie into a musical. I enjoyed the free tickets and the acting was great. Call me sometime, Brad. We'll hang out and play video games or watch more of your movies. By the way, there were at least 14 empty packets of salt left on the floor next to his seat. Stars, they're just like us! They go to a movie and leave empty salt packets on the ground.
I'll take one more opportunity to harangue you into watching Branderican Idol tonight and to vote for Brandon Rogers (incase you missed it, my best homie and former tourmate Brandon Rogers is a contestant on American Idol this season). Check yer local listings and stack the metaphorical ballot box, please. You can vote as many times as you like for the two hours that follow the show.
Till tomorrow, stay salty San Diego.
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1 comment:
I NEVER watch tv but last night at a friends house American Idol was on. I caught Brandon's one song he dedicated to his grandma. I knew he looked familiar but thought maybe just maybe it was not him. Thanks for confirming my wondering mind.
When I was in LA for the Zack Hexum/311 show I got into a free screening for Fun with Dick and Jane and was sitting amongst all kinds of actors pretty sweet I must say. I would totally go to the movies with you if I lived there. We got the Free grub hookup too. The weirdest thing was standing in line for the bathroom with all the actors after the movie.
Good luck to Brandon.
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