American Pie-dol

Yes, the suspense has been suspended for a few days. Soon America will decide the fate of my compadre Brandon on American Idol. We re-elected Bush, right? Pardon me...

Ok, now that I'm done sucking my thumb and rocking back and forth in the fetal position...

My favorite part of last night's Idol?

"I have some bad news for you: you aren't not going to not, not, not be not seeing a lot of us on the rest of the show."

Wait for 15 seconds while the petrified contestant tallies the sextuple negatives...

"This is bull... I demand a recount! I sing better than Paula!! Oh wait! That means I made it!! Thank you!!"

This is the part when Paula, Randy, and Simon think "Uh-oh, we accidentally gave them one too many "nots", does "Top 25" have the same ring to it? I know that Fox has a show called 24. Can they call it 25 next season?"

I kid because I love, and because I'm absolutely emotionally invested in this show.

Anyway, get ready to vote fer Brandon. In my delusional mind I'm imagining "Brandon for America", as a homage to Barack and Josiah Bartlet's campaign on American Idol.

There's an idea! Can we have Simon, Randy, and Paula preside over future Presidential debates? Maybe they don't even need to debate any further. They can just sing and we'll decide whether they're cute or not. I can imagine Ralph Nader as a William Hung-type. Or Dennis Kucinich covering Don McLean's American Pie. We'd have to get John Ashcroft as a guest judge and have everyone do his "Let the Eagle Soar".

Someone slap me.