air quotes, lazer, end air quotes

I made it to the Midwest. Wouldn't you know it, it snows in December over here! Get out yo' shovel.

Airports and airplanes don't bring out the best in people. A ragaholic six-foot-teen-she-ogre tried to pick a fight with me for reclining my seat. I was hoping to avoid:

A. punching her

B. being punched by her

and

C. being tazed.

I succeeded, but it took all of the Zen I could muster.

Other fun sights and sound at LAX:

1. Man being cursed at by airline employee for being late.

2. Woman cursing at airline employee because she was late.

My solution? Taze them.

"Excuse me, I ordered a Diet Coke." Zap!

Tomorrow (Thursdee) I have a show in Columbus. I'm hoping I don't have to lazer my way through two feet of snow to get there. There was some start time confusion. I'm planning on hitting the stage at eight PM. Be there or be square, but preferably be there. If the snow is out of control and I get stuck in the snow in Indiana, I'll post it here.

In other news, they're raising the standards for MPGs to 35 by the year 2020. Does this mean that Hummers will be dirt cheap in 2019? Does this mean that SUVs will revolt like Johnny 5 in Short Circuit? Are we going to retrofit them with bicycle gears so we can still use them? If so, will soccer moms then have the biggest calf muscles in the world?

These are the questions I ponder.

Today I did a clinic for a couple of jazz bands at St. Pat's High School in Chicago. I talked about the nuts and bolts of what it's like to be a starving artist professional musician. I didn't tell them this old chestnut of a jazz joke:

Q. What's the difference between a jazz trombonist and a large pizza?

A. A large pizza can feed a family of five.

For the record, I don't think a large pizza is big enough to feed an entire family unless you get bread sticks and a salad.

Yet I digress. The clinic was a hoot. I really enjoy talking about myself teaching. The students asked some very astute questions. I think we avoided any "which do you like better, half notes or whole notes?" kind of moments. Hopefully the kiddies agree.

Till we meet again...

Wear your mittens.