Marylandfarmer!

I feel like the NBA playoffs are at least as long as the Democratic Primary process. Unfortunately the Lakers are looking at a Hillary-style deficit if they don't pull out some serious mojo in game three. If you only count LA county, I think the Lakers will win the popular vote either way, so we'll always have that. I smell a return to the not so pleasant, 60's style feeling of losing to the Celts in the Finals if the Lake Show doesn't annihilate Boston tonight.

One bright spot of the seemingly endless playoff season has been the constant barrage of the Docker's commercial that features Marlena Shaw's California Soul. A rare benefit of the modern cross-marketing-assault of everything under the sun is the chance to discover some little-known brilliance that has fallen by the wayside.

As a result, an ad for middle-aged-man-pants got me into a little googling, and it makes me wonder if I should start with Miss Shaw's hit-the-nail-on-the-head-titled album "Who is This *bleep*, Anyway?" (And no, I'm not comfortable typing the "b" word. And yes, that's the actual title. Let's just move on.)

Perhaps my first record would've landed me a commercial for car insurance long after it's original release had it been called "Zack Hexum: Whoever, That Motherfather Is" instead of "Introducing Zack Hexum".

Sidenote: a year or two ago I watched Tarrantino's "Jackie Brown" on a network that was not allowed to say naughty words. Motherfather was one of the somehow more colorful substitutes for dropping the MF bomb. Another that I keep planning on adding to my lexicon is "Maryland Farmer", a little bulkier than the original, but what it lacks in poetic grace it makes up for in goofiness. Substituting the so-called bad words in a Tarrantino movie is a mammoth undertaking, somewhat akin to counting the number of choruses of blues B.B. King has played, or the number of Milwaukee's Beasts consumed at UNT drumline parties.

Speaking of ale and the like, here's John McCain's new strategy for tapping into the teetotaller demographic.

If I could veto one thing out of existence it would have to be C.G.I. animals acting cute in mostly live action movies. I see you George Lucas! Not to beat a previously whipped groundhog, but this was the first thing to come to mind. Stick with what you know.

Finally, pack your bags folks, because we're going to the Hotel Cafe on June 24th at 10 PM. Be there... or... I guess... don't.